On Becoming Who I Want to Be

It takes work to be the person you want to be. It doesn’t happen just because you want it to or wish it would happen or by osmosis even. Being the person you are most content with take a lot of patience, perseverance, and push.

I push myself everyday to be the person I was always intended to be.

We are at the 2 year mark of my journey. Two years ago this week I was sitting at this same desk miserable. I was previewing our family pictures with disgust. I looked horrible…fat, ugly, useless, undeserving, alone, stressed, depressed, anxious (my own opinion). And I knew I needed to do something drastic to change my outlook…to change who I was. I needed some sort of push to be better, to do better, to look better.

For me, personally, my weight defined who I was. I have written before about scoping a room only to realize I was the fattest person in there. I hated who I had become and it was evident in the size I was and the over-all unhealthy persona I was carrying around with me everyday.

You see, that heaviness wasn’t just measured in pounds. It was measured in missed appointments, saying “no” to social events, wishing and hoping I could someday be who I always had wanted to be.

When I look back two years ago I haven’t forgotten that girl. I wish I could, but she is always with me. The weight loss has changed the way I look, it has changed the way I feel, it has changed me as a wife and as a mother.

But I will never forget the feeling of utter hopelessness I had the day I picked up that phone and made the appointment with UC Health.

Because I never want to feel that way ever again.

That feeling fuels me to push a little harder in the gym, to say “no” to that extra helping of indulgent food. It reminds me that even though I have some so far my journey will never be over.

Because, at the end of the day becoming who you want to be is never-ending and always-evolving. I can’t help but smile when I sit here today, legs crossed in a size pant that I never could have imaged fitting my butt into…I can look back and be so grateful this Thanksgiving knowing that I did it. I made a huge, scary, extremely difficult change in my life and it actually wasn’t so bad. The journey has actually been fun.

I hope two years from now I can sit here and reminisce about all the changes that have happened again. Because I worked for them. It took a lot of patience, perseverance, and push.

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Right of Passage

I lost a toe nail last night.

#yourewelcome

Seriously, I think it is a right of passage to lose a toe nail. I nailed it. Ha! Did you see that????

In other news, Tyler finished up his football season over the weekend. The kid played his heart out and left it all on the field.

I am so proud of him. Not because he had a great seasons and had stats for days; but because he became a leader. He was teachable and coachable. He respected his teammates and opponents. He listened to his coaches and made changes based on their recommendations. Even at age six kids looked up to him and coaches looked to him to lead by example. My boy grew up in this season of life and I couldn’t help but stand a little taller knowing that I am his mom. It had been a pleasure watching him and I can’t wait to see what it next for my little guy.

I am a little sad that it is over but happy to be moving on to basketball which neither Megan or Tyler have ever played. I know it is going to be enjoyable to watch them out on the court.

Feeing Accomplished and a Halloween Recap!

Well, friends, I was 6 for 6 this week on the workout front and gave about 90-100% effort each time. I am impressed with myself. Today I felt I was at 100% pretty much the whole time. I rocked heavier weights and kept right up with the repetitions in Muscle Max and during my pre-class walk I had an incline of 10 at a 4.2 pace. Not bad, not bad at all. And I was finished by 8:45, so there’s that.

It has been a stressful couple of weeks on the home front and at work. My anxiety has been through the roof but I have managed it and for that couldn’t be prouder.

Halloween was last week and it deserves a recap. Shawn and I went to a SNL Themed party and we channeled our inner Spartan Cheerleaders.

And the kids went as an Emoji (Megs), Football player (obvi, Ty), and Lego Captain America (Ry). They were cute.

We went around the neighborhood with the same friends we always do which was super fun. I love my tribe!

And then we ended up with about 40 pounds of candy.

And we donated half and still have a ton. All in all we had such a fun night. No major tantrums and I only ended up carrying Ryan’s box and mask and Tyler’s helmet for about 2 miles (ha!). I will take that as a win!

I did keep some candy in a stash for making gingerbread houses in December and I kept other candy for stocking stuffers and Valentines Day. I have turned into a major frugal mom!

Today is Tyler’s season final for football so we are heading out soon. And I think basketball starts for both M & T next week. The fun really never stops!!!

Have a great weekend!

November Goals

I set three mini-goals for myself at the end of October.  They were:

  1. Daily exercise (5 days/week) at at least 85% effort
  2. No senseless snacking and no eating after 7pm
  3. Hydrate

I am happy to report that I nailed all three of them.  It felt good to get back on track and actually gauge progress based on solidified goals.  Here is the breakdown:

  1. Daily exercise (5 days/week) at at least 85% effort
    I have been exercising regularly for the past two years (maybe even more) but I have really been “phoning in” my work-outs since school started back up in late August.  It felt good to really put some effort into my work-outs this last week.  I have pushed myself beyond where I thought I could and it really made a noticeable difference in my health. I will happily keep this up in the month of November.
  2. No senseless snacking and no eating after 7pm
    This might have been the hardest goal of the three.  It is crazy how much I put in my mouth without even thinking about it.  It was a constant monitoring each and every minute of the day.  And, I did it. I actually did it.
    I also spent a lot of time away from the kitchen in the evening.  This definitely helped after 7pm when night time snacking would have been an issue.
  3. Hydrate
    I have been focusing on water in the last week and let me tell you, something very surprising happened…my skin actually cleared up!  I have had a lot of cystic acne this fall and it all but disappeared when I was drinking extra water.  I also felt a burst of energy and it definitely helped with the snacking.

All in all, I felt really good about my choices and I am going to continue with these three goals for the month of November.  I am going to keep it simple because that is just how I like it.

 

Do you have any goals for November?

 

Facing the Facts

I have been kind of a slacker lately.

A slacker at life.

Basically, I have been practicing minimalism in its purest sense. I have been doing the least I can possibly do to get by.

I have been phoning in my exercising.

I have been eating too much junk.

I have been lazy when given the opportunity.

I have been a “sideline mom.”

I have not been giving my all in basically any area of my life.

I usually blame this on “October Blues.” My dad died in October so I feel like I get a free pass on the depression department in the month of October.

But, I really cannot blame it on anything but me. I am not living as the best version of myself and it absolutely has to stop. I did not work so damn hard for a year and a half to throw in the towel now.

I deserve better.

I am better.

Yesterday I got it together and made a few mini-goals for myself. They are very easy modifications to my lifestyle that will make a big difference. I am going to document them here for accountability sake. And my timeline is short to get these goals under control. November 1 I will be adding on to these simple goals.

Here they are:

  1. Daily exercise (5 days/week) at at least 85% effort
  2. No senseless snacking and no eating after 7pm
  3. Hydrate

Easy and simple, but necessary to get myself back on track.

I am proud to say at 7:30 on Tuesday that I have nailed these three goals for two days.

And, you know what? I feel better mentally and physically.

So there you have it.

And here is a cute pic of my cute kiddos at the pumpkin patch this weekend.

Surveying

Janea on her blog gave a fun survey for her readers to complete, so I thought I would do it on here. Her blog is pretty awesome, even for non-runners.  It is one of my regular reads.

Favorite place you’ve traveled to?

  • Hawaii on my honeymoon.  It was so relaxing and our pool was amazing  I am definitely a beach girl and prefer relaxing by the pool over anything on vacation.

Worst pain you’ve ever experienced?

  • A cyst on my lower region during my pregnancy with Ryan.  It was awful.  Definitely worse than actual childbirth.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?

  • Ryan Robert.  He loves selfies.

If you could talk to ANYONE right now, who would it be?

  • My dad.  I miss him like crazy every single day.  I definitely miss our daily phone calls.

Ever had stitches?

  • Yes. On my ring finger.

Nail polish… yay or nay?

  • Always.

If you could have any career, what would it be?

  • Teacher. Cheesy as it may sounds I love being a teacher and wouldn’t change it for the world.

Does pineapple belong on pizza?

  • Most definitely.

You have the remote; what channel?

  • HGTV or TLC or BRAVO

If you were an animal… what would you be?

  • A lazy dog that sleeps a lot.

Did you grow up in the city or country?

  • Westerville, OH…total suburbia

Are you taller than your mom?

  • Yes.  She is 5’7″ I am 5’11”

When was the last time you cried?

  • This morning.

What percentage of the time are you listening to something while you work out?

  • 100% of the time I am either watching Netflix or listening to the instructor or music in my exercise class.

 

Give it a try!  I would love to hear from anyone out there!

Meal Planning Monday

Maybe someday I will take some pictures of my children playing sports. Every week I say I am going to do it and then I don’t. Sometimes I just hate myself for this reason.

Our weekend was filled with a lot of games but also a ton of fun. We are definitely in a fall groove that works for us. I am actually enjoying the weekends right now.

This weekend I prepped once and will eat healthy lunches and snacks all week.

The best thing I mad with the most nutritional bang for its buck was a healthy version of lasagna. It was prepared with whole wheat noodles, low fat ricotta, lean beef, and my most secrete sauce…

That, my friends, is three cups of raw puréed vegetables that I mixed in with the meat and sauce. It made it thick and delicious and VERY yummy. I loved it.

And, big news, even my kids are this and loved it! They actually THANKED ME for dinner and gobbled it up. I almost cried.

That will be my lunch all week with a side of green beans.

I also made a delicious breakfast bake with tons of veggies in it for breakfasts this week. I am going to pair it with whole grain English muffins and Almond butter.

Snacks will be the usual nuts and cheese. Delicious and full of protein!

Did you cook anything worth mentioning this weekend?