It takes work to be the person you want to be. It doesn’t happen just because you want it to or wish it would happen or by osmosis even. Being the person you are most content with take a lot of patience, perseverance, and push.
I push myself everyday to be the person I was always intended to be.
We are at the 2 year mark of my journey. Two years ago this week I was sitting at this same desk miserable. I was previewing our family pictures with disgust. I looked horrible…fat, ugly, useless, undeserving, alone, stressed, depressed, anxious (my own opinion). And I knew I needed to do something drastic to change my outlook…to change who I was. I needed some sort of push to be better, to do better, to look better.
For me, personally, my weight defined who I was. I have written before about scoping a room only to realize I was the fattest person in there. I hated who I had become and it was evident in the size I was and the over-all unhealthy persona I was carrying around with me everyday.
You see, that heaviness wasn’t just measured in pounds. It was measured in missed appointments, saying “no” to social events, wishing and hoping I could someday be who I always had wanted to be.
When I look back two years ago I haven’t forgotten that girl. I wish I could, but she is always with me. The weight loss has changed the way I look, it has changed the way I feel, it has changed me as a wife and as a mother.
But I will never forget the feeling of utter hopelessness I had the day I picked up that phone and made the appointment with UC Health.
Because I never want to feel that way ever again.
That feeling fuels me to push a little harder in the gym, to say “no” to that extra helping of indulgent food. It reminds me that even though I have some so far my journey will never be over.
Because, at the end of the day becoming who you want to be is never-ending and always-evolving. I can’t help but smile when I sit here today, legs crossed in a size pant that I never could have imaged fitting my butt into…I can look back and be so grateful this Thanksgiving knowing that I did it. I made a huge, scary, extremely difficult change in my life and it actually wasn’t so bad. The journey has actually been fun.
I hope two years from now I can sit here and reminisce about all the changes that have happened again. Because I worked for them. It took a lot of patience, perseverance, and push.