Month 1: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

Well, it has been a month since I started my journey to a healthy weight assisted by a physician.  I feel good about where I am headed and it seems like I am on a path in the right direction.  I am not under any sort of delusion that this process will be easy or that I will not struggle along the way.  This is going to be the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.  I am committed to the process and I know I can only do the best I can do minute by minute.

The Good:

  • I lost 13 pounds this month!!!! With Christmas and New Years and everything in between (i.e. food and sitting) I managed not just to maintain my weight but lose a significant amount. This is the first time in about 15 years that I have not gained over the holidays!
  • The PA (physician assistant) was very, extremely, super-over-the-top happy about my results.  I don’t know if he was just pulling my chain, but he seemed genuinely surprised by my results and said this was very atypical of most patients.
  • I am a people-pleaser through and through, so making the PA happy made me feel extremely proud and happy myself. His response will definitely give me fuel to continue the journey.

The Bad:

  • It is very evident that I am addicted to food and this is something that I am going to have to work through for the rest of my life.  I am not sure if I will ever truly heal from this addiction.
  • I gave up my beloved Cherry Coke Zero.  I guess this might be considered a good thing, but I really LOVE that drink and it has been a hard pill to swallow.
  • I majorly failed on the exercise front this past month.  I was definitely more lazy than I have been in a long time.  I may have made it to the gym three times in December.  Major fail.

The Ugly:

  • It makes me sad and depressed that this struggle is real and will be just that, a struggle, for the rest of my life.
  • I am keeping this weight loss a secret from most people which makes the journey very lonely. I know in time I will share with other, but right now my husband and a very close friend are the only two that know.
  • I hate feeling like I am the fattest person in the room.  Ugh. I feel ugly and huge everyday of my life.  I know I am working to not feel this way, but the feelings at this moment are there and they are UGLY and EMBARRASSING and HUMILIATING.

So, I am moving forward to Month #2 and feeling over-all good about the direction I am moving in.  I have to keep telling myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint and I will have really great days and really sucky days and that is just part of the race.  Onward…

image

I better document this with pictures, event though I don’t want to see how I look right now

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