Going to Camp

I got my booty out of bed this morning at 4:50 in order to make it to the gym by 5 (my gym is really close and, yes, I brushed my teeth (but not my hair)!).  I started with a warm up on the treadmill for about 25 minutes and then headed to class.  Today was Boot Camp. I have watched this class from outside the glass doors for a few years now and I always thought in my head how I could NEVER, like NEVER keep up with it.  But in the interest in stepping out of my comfort zone, I went in.  It is mostly the same people who were there on Monday.  My new “friend” Trisha said hello to me by name (which I really appreciated!) and the instructor, Anna, also welcomed me back.

On a side note, I am not sure how many people know what a difference a simple kind word makes for a person who is feeling out of their comfort zone.  Seriously, I relaxed immediately after both those women reach out to me.  YAY for women building women up!

I got all of my equipment together and was ready to go.  I was nervous as HELL!!!!  I didn’t think I would be able to do ANYTHING.  But, you know what?  The anticipation of it all was much worse than the actual workout.  In fact I got through it fine.  I did a few modifications but really I kept up quite nicely…and I was super proud of myself for making a plan and sticking to it.

I am struggling right now with anxiety and being on the brink of depression, so getting myself to the gym is a great feat.  I have suffered from anxiety since I was a kid and sometimes it is easier to handle then others. I am working to come up with some positive things I can do when it creeps in, but, man, it is a struggle. I do think staying on a regular exercise schedule helps me to feel more in control and like I am actually doing something.

I do think part of the depression/anxiety comes from dieting itself.  Sometimes looking at the long-term journey makes me feel sad.  This has been a struggle for me my whole life (I think I went on my first diet in the second grade) so knowing I have forty more years of struggle seems too much to bear.  It is not easy for me.  It is a daily choice and one that I don’t always make.




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