I got my booty out of bed this morning at 4:50 in order to make it to the gym by 5 (my gym is really close and, yes, I brushed my teeth (but not my hair)!). I started with a warm up on the treadmill for about 25 minutes and then headed to class. Today was Boot Camp. I have watched this class from outside the glass doors for a few years now and I always thought in my head how I could NEVER, like NEVER keep up with it. But in the interest in stepping out of my comfort zone, I went in. It is mostly the same people who were there on Monday. My new “friend” Trisha said hello to me by name (which I really appreciated!) and the instructor, Anna, also welcomed me back.
On a side note, I am not sure how many people know what a difference a simple kind word makes for a person who is feeling out of their comfort zone. Seriously, I relaxed immediately after both those women reach out to me. YAY for women building women up!
I got all of my equipment together and was ready to go. I was nervous as HELL!!!! I didn’t think I would be able to do ANYTHING. But, you know what? The anticipation of it all was much worse than the actual workout. In fact I got through it fine. I did a few modifications but really I kept up quite nicely…and I was super proud of myself for making a plan and sticking to it.
I am struggling right now with anxiety and being on the brink of depression, so getting myself to the gym is a great feat. I have suffered from anxiety since I was a kid and sometimes it is easier to handle then others. I am working to come up with some positive things I can do when it creeps in, but, man, it is a struggle. I do think staying on a regular exercise schedule helps me to feel more in control and like I am actually doing something.
I do think part of the depression/anxiety comes from dieting itself. Sometimes looking at the long-term journey makes me feel sad. This has been a struggle for me my whole life (I think I went on my first diet in the second grade) so knowing I have forty more years of struggle seems too much to bear. It is not easy for me. It is a daily choice and one that I don’t always make.